A Lonely Mind
by Elle Mariet
Summary: NEW MOON: Bella finds herself missing Jacob, who's too busy with the pack to come see her all week.


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, fml.

* * *

Jacob had been running patrol all week with the rest of the pack, leaving me hopelessly alone and bored.  
I remained at home when I wasn't in school, watching TV, cooking dinner for Charlie, and waiting patiently for Jacob to come back or even stop in to see me. But he didn't.

Night after night I sat on the couch while Charlie watched the baseball game and I pretended to be interested, when I was really listening for a knock on the door. I was starting to feel the way I felt when.. Edward first left me; like a person with nothing inside.  
I didn't need to be a vampire to say I didn't have my soul anymore, Edward took it with him the day he walked out. Until Jacob walked in and erased the pain with his ever-loving and carefree personality.  
Well, at least he was like that until the 'mono' kicked in. Now he was always easily angered and stressed. I would see my Jacob in him sometimes though, in unpredictable moments, and I would hold onto that for as long as I could. But that still didn't keep the pain away, especially when he wasn't around to keep my sanity clear. Which was now.

It was on a Thursday night when Charlie noticed my sad, forever-sighing behaviour.

"Bella honey, why don't you call one of your friends? Where's Jake been all week? Usually he's glued to your side." He added with a chuckle.

"He's uh, with Embry. Doing.. Guy stuff."

"Oh. Well what about Jessica or Angela? You don't go out with them anymore?"

"Jess and Ang don't really get me like Jacob does, sort of." I wished he would stop with the questions. This wasn't an interrogation at the police station.

"Yeah, I know. You two are pretty close." He let that one hang in the air, as an open invitation to talk about.

Before he could drill me for more information I made an excuse about homework and darted to my bedroom. Maybe the computer would entertain me for a while, to keep the pain away. I logged onto my email and read my mom's latest news about Phil's baseball league, and the new clothes she bought, and the exciting things she was doing, then thought about what to write for a reply.

**Mom,**  
**I'm fine, stop worrying so much.**  
**It sounds like Phil's doing better this year, and the dress sounds great. **  
**I've been hanging out at La Push a lot less lately, Jacobs been busy with his pack of friends so there isn't much to do around here.. **

I stopped after that line, thinking of anything else I could say that would make my life sound the least bit dull. I tapped my fingers on the mouse pad for a few moments pondering before I heard pebbles being thrown against my window.

I got up and went to the window and flung it open, looking out into the darkness. "Jake?"

"Bella, I'm coming up."

I stood back and in seconds his big muscled body flew through my open window. He stood up and grinned at me before he pulled me into a big bear hug.

"God I've missed you! What have you been doing?" he said when he finally let me go.

I blushed and looked away from him. "Nothing really."

"I'm sorry I haven't been around. Sam hasn't given me a break and neither has the red headed leech."

_Victoria... So she's still trying to get past Jacob and the pack_, I thought. _When would this nightmare end?_

Jacob must have noticed the anxiety on my face because he sat down on my bed and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his thick arms around me.

"Don't worry, Bells, we've got this under control. Your perfectly safe, I won't let anything happen to you. Promise."

"I feel bad for you and the others, I'm keeping you from school, and sleep. You look like you haven't slept in days, Jake."

"It's no big deal, I'm fine."

I knew he was trying to keep the whole macho-man-esque going on, but I knew better; I could see through his attempt to lie so I wouldn't feel to blame.

"I better get going though." He said quietly, combing his fingers through my hair.

"You have to leave." It wasn't a question.

"I'll be around, Bella. I won't go far."

I faked a smile, "Kay."

* * *

I eventually fell asleep that night, after laying in bed for what felt like hours worrying and thinking of how much longer I had until Victoria would injure a pack member on confrontation and come for me. I must have only been asleep for a few hours until I started screaming.

"Bella, Bella! It's okay! It was only a dream." Jacob's words were calm and surprising to hear.

I sat up and squinted in the darkness. "Jake? How'd you get in here?"

I saw his grin in the pale moonlight. "Window was unlocked. I was running around here when I heard you start talking loudly in your sleep. I got worried so I came to check on you, good thing I did too, you woulda woke Charlie if I hadn't waken you myself." He seemed pleased with himself so I let him have it.

"Um.. What exactly was I saying?" I could feel the flush of red creeping up onto my cheeks.

"You said Charlie's name a few times, then mine." He was proud, of that I could tell. "But when you started saying Victoria you started breathing funny so I came over."

I was definitely embarrassed, but he laid down beside me and put his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his chest.

"I'm sorry I'm such a bother." I said finally, glad he couldn't see my face in the dark.

"Not even, Bella. I told you, it's no big deal. I like taking care of you."

With Jacob laying in my bed holding me, I got a harsh memory of Edward doing the same thing, on the nights he would stay with me and hold me until I fell asleep. And how I longed for those nights again.  
But this was different, yet still the same. Edward's arms were cold and he had to lay above the blankets in order to keep me from freezing, while Jacob's arms were their own blanket.  
Edward's chest was as hard and as cold as ice and Jacob's chest was very warm, and his heart beat loudly, the steady pulse comforting me and making me drift off, until he interrupted my dark thoughts and broke the awkward silence.

"Look, you go back to sleep and I'll stay here for the night and make sure everything's okay. I don't think Charlie will check up on you, and even if he does I doubt he'll care. Maybe you'll be able to sleep better if you know I'm right here with you."

I liked his theory but I didn't tell him, instead I said okay and dozed off to sleep in his strong arms. I could have sworn he kissed me when he knew I was almost asleep, and whispered he loved me and would always protect me, but I was too tired to realize or remember.

I slept the best I had slept in months that night.


End file.
